Abstinence: A new perspective, not about the value of your vagina, but about valuing your vagina..

Prior to my last partner, I hadn't had sex in over two years...This article inspired me to write on it

Problem: Whenever, I got close enough to someone to warrant this kind of personal revelation, I would always get the:

• why haven't you been having sex?
•  you are such a pretty girl?
•  Is it because you are crazy?
•  do you have something?
•  Are you a prude?"

The answers (had I chosen to entertain such ignorance) would have been like this:

•  blank stare
•  So, pretty girl =sex fiend (Judge mathis voice) ?
•  I have been called crazy and on occasion I have acted so-but it's always been provoked.  Crazy by me has never been performed in a vacum.
•  I do have something...lupus-I am afraid it's incommunicable-because I'd love to share it with you!
• Heavens no!

However, If I had to answer the question seriously-like a serious, working person who ponders (as I do): I would say that casual sex is so common and I have a natural aversion to the "common". Everyone does it...which makes it unhip. I am still very much obsessed with being hip and cool
.

>>>not hip. not cool.







Furthermore,I value my vagina. I spend

In March

a  significant an amount of money, between my gynecologist, pharmacists, workout routine, target and wax-ologist (maintaining it) to just let someone, who (according to recent folklore) won't even invest in a happy meal for me, be "all up on it or in it". You already know they will say and do anything to get it, but when it's over the same guy who was licking between your toes in January is like:




Then there's the autoimmune problem, that makes my life a living hell: lupus.As a result, I am not suited for anything but monogamy. Once a guy kissed me. It was a first date and I am not a kisser of strangers and keep in mind that I gave him no indication that I wanted to kiss, he swooped down on me.. The next day I had something that was identified as "normal flora" (for everyone else) on my cheek and I had to apply antibacterial ointment for two weeks to calm the swelling and kill the bacteria...because someone couldn't keep their lips to themselves.I was deliriously upset when the doctor told me what was what was what. I knew then that my life had truly changed and that I would have to be crazy discerning...That's just kissing, so I know if someone is out here "making bad decisions", I will probably be a victim if I sleep with them. I hate being sick so... #IJS

In addition, unless someone is cutting me a "Jenna Jamison check", I don't want it on the internet for all to see in motion or otherwise (Though I have thought of taking some tasteful nudes to adorn the walls of my apartment/home) So many people wake up the next day, schlep on home/ send someone home (whatever!) and log in to Facebook  to be shocked by the sight of their own ass.

Really!?!? Noooooooo

 I am just surprised that they are shocked. I knew it could happen, and I wasn't even there...When friends tell me stories, I am like:

and you tape it. LOL!

Unfortunately, "taped sexcapades" are an unfortunate reality. People are weird; I would think they would focus on "bringing it" before they decide to "tape it". Get one thing done right, before you start multitasking, but folks today have no shame. They revel in the mediocre...she looks bored, like:



So, while I am no prude,  I choose to abstain,  the very idea of falling victim to some amatuer wanna be porn star, quite frankly pisses me off . Also, when I go on dates and listen to men speak about how they feel, what they want, how many children they have or want etc...usually it's not in line with what I want.So:






Real Life Example: One person drove all the way from Connecticut , to go on a date, and he didnt understand how a 2 hr commute each way wasn't going to make an ideal dating scenario-especially since I dont travel to meet men. He was going to be doing all of the traveling...and he asked me, "why are you here, if not to make children?" In my head I was thinking:

 " who thinks like that? First of all, as a short person-you, shouldn't concern yourself with baby making. All people of the future need to be tall, so you need not pass on your weird short and small minded genes"

but instead I said:

"I just want to focus on me and use my life for the things I want...not what a child wants, and since I believe that you have to put the child first once you bring it here, I am choosing to not have children for now..."

because I am the bad guy..

He said I was selfish...and confused. I knew then that he wasn't a stats person, because there are so many children in the world not being taken care of...and he's looking at me like:

I was eating my steak and potatoes like...

Which was ridiculous, because his personal narrative involved living in a hut in Haiti, at the age of eight, with an adjoining business, and no daily care-He was neglected. So, I didn't get this dire need for progeny...WTF does he know about raising a balanced person. Why the rush to make people!

Also, what if I have a child and he/she doesnt get along with my rabbit or is allergic. That would be a moral quandary of epic proportions for me; as you know "Foxi" was here first..which counts, "Foxi" will never grow into a teenager who talks back, he's already full sized, he wont need funds to attend college (rabbits>children), he is housed cheaply and it costs a little over 10 bucks a year to feed him...(yep) easy choice!


Personally, I don't want to have a child just to have the benefit of something that looks like me running around everywhere-looking like me/he-I would like to be able to nurture the little person into a good independent bigger person. I thought that was the goal-for everyone.



Apparently not, as homeboy went on about how people whom I had described as "constructively abandoning" their children by: not preparing their  own lives for the children's arrival, not working to provide for their children post arrival, or letting them fall victim to their environment by raidsing them in crime infested dwellings...were not bad/irresponsible people: "sometimes stuff happens"...LOL Really?


 OK, so you bring an innocent child into the world, because you don't like condoms, want company or need a legacy..and you aren't a bad person because you can't feed them...ok. Yeah, that type of reasoning I can live without..so after that night, I did. :-)



It was a moment that reminded me why I shouldn't have sex/ even dinner with people who are fountains of bad ideas.. (and so many people are) as the next thing you know-you have a baby-with them, because you fell in love and they convinced you to do something stupid...

Don't hang around anyone you couldn't bare to fall in love with for too long...I am convinced this is how it happens.


So, now that I have asserted that stupidity makes me feel less sexy-as a result of the abundance of stupidity in the world,  I don't want to have sex. This is why I have never had sex in a strange place with a strange person I don't know due to alcohol/ drugs. How women actually opens their legs to make the babies with deadbeat dads ,I hope to never know. "Game" with no game plan, does to my vagina what salt does to a slug....and thank goodness for that...

Finally, the last reason is that, as a sexually aware woman, I want to spend my "sexy time" in a satisfying manner. No ifs ands or buts about it...If you don't know what you are doing, I will stop you from "doing". If you aren't willing to learn, I will put you out...you must go! I need my sexual partner to be on point and make me feel good; part of that is an emotional , social, intellectual connection-for me. I need to feel like he wants me around, like he needs me around, like they feel like I bring something to the table besides a wonton open wound of a vagina-that occasionally needs filling...Respect is sexy, discussion is sexy, honesty is sexy and watching the news together is sexy...I need a mix of gentleman, intellectual, and barbarian.lol











Sex, food, narcotics from Canada, I need to know that he will be there through the ebbs and flows to do that...If I can't think, I feel sexy knowing my partner can handle thinking for me...







My standards are what they are...So many people just aren't up to the task or are just scoundrels... and with my apartment hunt, new job hunt and hunt for a life worth living...I just have so much "other" that I need to be focused on. So I stay celibate because I don't put bad things, in stuff I love.

Men are such scoundrels 

But if you disagree...Please remember:

-Gentrifried